Dear Kelloggs/Malt-O-Meal…

Sublime happiness and joy awaits every one of you. It can be had… even tonight… for only about $6.37. If you have a Wal-Mart Supercenter within a 20 mile radius, I beseech you, no I compel and urge thee to get thy buttocks down to there and purchase for thine self a sack of Malt-O-Meal’s Vanilla Cream Mini Spooners and a box of Kellogg’s Frosted Miniwheats Strawberry Delight. It’s pure eating ecstasy.

Here’s what happened to me to create this universal discovery… I had been systematically devouring the Kellogg’s Strawberry Miniwheats for the past week or so. We returned from our spring break trip this afternoon, having spent the last few days with the Pigotts and Chases at the Little Red River. So dinner tonight was every man/child for themself. I opted for my old standby… cereal. I love it.

Imagine my disappointment when the Strawberry Delight only filled half a bowl before emitting the shreddings typical of battered wheat squares. I open the pantry, and what to my wandering eyes should appear but a sack of niller minispooners, so dear!? I topped off the bowl, with a growing sense of anticipation and intuitive expectancy that whispered at my consciousness… “you’re on to something, by jove!”

I stirred them up, and took a few bites. Voila! Eureka! Simply taste-tastic. Somebody kill and mount Toucan Sam… there’s a new heavyweight in town! Strawberry-Vanilla Wheat Square Extraodinaire. Please, please, Mr. Kellogg… you MUST produce this! (If you don’t Mrs. Malt-O-Meal will and corner the cereal market for years!)

I’m a happy man this evening as I tongue wheaty remnants from my molar recesses. Every last shred I find whispers “gastro-genius” in my mouth. This reminds me of my Juanita’s, Hot Tea, and Thee article a while back. It’s been that long since I’ve called a tastebud truce.

I’ll close this post with one thought… what could be better than cold milk, Wheat Square Extraordinaire, and regularity all packed into one evening?

On this day...


  1. Jeff Noble says:
    Elton… I love it! How about “Divine Air with your Strawberry-Vanilla Wheat Square Extraordinaire by the Guy with Ear Hair?”
  2. Elton says:
    Maybe as you invent your Strawberry-Vanilla Wheat Square Extraodinaire you could also publish a companion book of devotionals to be read in the morning as you eat Strawberry-Vanilla Wheat Square Extraodinaire.
  3. Dawn says:
    Anyone else getting hungry?

    cute rhyme and verse!

  4. Jeff Noble says:
    I was surprised that the closing line about regularity didn’t make your list…
  5. Mandy says:
    Ah, yes, Barry… I was actually named Mandy after that song… how’s that for a fun fact? ๐Ÿ˜‰
  6. Jeff Noble says:
    Auntie… we’re not just talking about simple “mixing” here. This was a CREATION. As in “let there be Wheat Square Extraordinaire…”
  7. Carolyn Bakalekos says:
    Definitely shades of your Pappaw. He never met a cereal he wouldn’t mix.
  8. jill says:
    what could be better? mcdonald’s cheeseburger that’s for sure!
  9. matthew says:
    4 Reasons This Post Was So Nice:
    by Matt Parker

    (1) “as I tongue wheaty remnants from my molar recesses”

    (2) “Somebody kill and mount Toucan Sam”

    (3) “you’re on to something, by jove!”

    (4) “I beseech you, no I compel and urge thee to get thy buttocks down to there and purchase for thine self a sack…”

  10. Jeff says:
    Oh, I’m right! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I can’t say your name without singing Barry’s song… Did you see him on American Idol last week? Aaaah. He does write the songs that make the whole world sing…
  11. Mandy says:
    Oh I’m a cereal lover myself! I had cereal tonight for supper too. I have to say, you’ve got me interested in the Strawberry Mini-Wheats… next time at at Wally World I’m gonna grab some! (and maybe a box of vanilla.. just to see if you’re right…)
  12. K.T. says:
    Two of my very favorites!!!!you are the parent freak-I,the cereal freak.
  13. dean says:
    i’m late commenting here i know, but DANG! swabbing shredded wheat residue from you molars, expounding on the “regular” virtues of fiber-filled cereals, and letting the whole world know your ears grow wild what will not sprout on top of your head???? a little too much transparency here, dontcha think??
  14. Jeff says:
    Deano Beano, we’re waiting for a long self-disclosure post from you now. When you put out all your foibles for folks to see, you don’t ever have to worry about what folks say about you. You’ve said it about yourself… ๐Ÿ˜‰

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