Comments on: When it’s time to leave your church

By: Jeff

Jeff — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 03:18:56 +0000

@K. Michelle: Praying for you as you make your decision!

I would also encourage you to dive deep into the Father’s love for you. He will not beat you with a baseball bat if you switch churches. Nothing “bad” will happen in that sense. You may experience some relationship crises or tension as a result. Make a commitment to take the high road, be gracious and loving in it all.

By: K. Michelle

K. Michelle — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 05:21:22 +0000

I am thinking about leaving my church. I have so many mixed emotions. I’m concerned about how my pastor will think of me afterwards. I am concerned about where I should go. I have had a LOT of Positive and Negative experiences in this church. I have been taught the Word of God, I have grown so much over the past 15 years. However there is this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON! I feel I have been mistreated, overlooked and taken advantage of over the years. But, I love these people. This is where I was born again, where I met my husband and learned to know Jesus for myself. But so many things have taken place. I have seen so much that is contrary to who I am. I have negative thoughts towards my pastor when He is Preaching and think that he has some serious intergrity issues. I don’t know it’s a lot. But, on and off for the last 2 years I have felt like I NEED TO LEAVE. I truly want to know that what i am doing is what God would have me do. I sometimes fear the God will be displeased with me or that He will allow something tragic to happen to me or/and my family if we leave. I know that Faith is stepping out even when you are not sure (totally) But I think I need to make this move to go to my next level, even if it means coming back in the end to this ministry. Pray for me as i seek God’s will for my life.

By: Notes from the Trail » Blog Archive » Leaving your church

Notes from the Trail » Blog Archive » Leaving your church — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:08:38 +0000

[...] years ago, I wrote a short entry called When it’s time to leave your church. I’ve been amazed at the amount of traffic that entry continues to receive. Invariably I [...]

By: Deborah

Deborah — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:57:13 +0000

I hope someone is still responding here. My son and his wife are Christians and have been married almost 7 years. The church they attend does not belong to any Christian association or over seeing church. The pastors of this church are all related, father, son and step-son. They broke away from the church they belonged to because they didn’t agree with their doctrine. My concern is this; My son is questioning some of their teachings and the lack of the fruit of the Spirit in the leadership. He is now under reproach and has been warned if he doesn’t agree with their teachings and doctrine then he should not come back. My son was told that in order to understand scripture, there are 10 certain criteria so one can understand the culture of the times and not take things out of context. With that being said, they said my son should not hold bible studies or book studies at his home because he may be misguiding people. My son met with them and the three of them basically said what they had to say and didn’t “hear” my son. My son found out that they spoke to two of his friends before speaking to my son about the bible/book study he had. My son asked them why they didn’t come to him first if they thought there was a problem and the pastor said they were within their right to ask. My son got so frustrated with the young pastor( he is younger than my son) that he swore and called him a F-ing hypocrite.He did apologize for speaking out of his anger. Now my daughter in law is taking sides with the church, texting and calling the pastor’s wives and not speaking to my son. She left tonight and had her mother take their daughters to their house. My son is confused. Neither the pastor’s wife nor the pastor is communicating with my son so he doesn’t know what they are counseling his wife in and his wife erased her texts so he could not read them. He is heartbroken and he doesn’t know what to do and has no one to turn to except for my husband and myself. All I know to do is pray. Do you have any thoughts or insight, I would really appreciate hearing from you. Thank you for listening. Deborah

By: lesele

lesele — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:41:33 +0000

Hi Ms. Andrews,
I too have experienced similar situaions in my church. But, the main point in everything that you have said is that the spirit Told You to go back. Was this the spirit of God telling you? Make sure. If it’s not then run!!!! If it was then God can be preparing you for a specific people to be able to minister to. I’m In no way telling you to stay but seek God and make sure that you are doing what He wants. In 2008 my daughter walked out of my church and committed suicide. Some of the church members were the cause of her death because they didn’t handle some things that went on in a godly manner. But because she was my child, I too am a licensed evangelist, she was preached about and talked about by the SAINTS, she was mortified,when we got home she hung herself from the shower rod.I was devestated and angry but I went back too this church because God didn’t want me to leave, I heard the Lord say, “Vengence Is Mine, I Repay.” In a way, I’m glad God wanted me to go back because I had to learn how to forgive and love the people that did her wrong. If we don’t forgive people then how can God forgive us. Now, since I stayed and obeyed God, I feel that God is releasing me. My Sister seek God, fast, and stay in the word, I know it’s hard but obey God and ask him to stregthen you for the work. Be blessed my sister!!! I’m praying for you. (READ LUKE 9:1).

By: Ms. Andrews

Ms. Andrews — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 08:02:59 +0000

My family I joined this church and everything was fine. There was personal events that the Bishop and Pastor knows about. When they want to talk about somebody they say it in their sermons. When they speak you know who they talking about. However, I know that my family has been the butt of their sermons many of time. It had got so bad that I just left the church for a year or so and came back due the spirit telling me. I want to remove me and my children from the church again and never come back but I am confused. Here the reasons: In the beginning the Bishop had all church members to formed an gigantic circle holding hands. (seem to me witchcraft) 2. The Bishop yelled to the congregation “WHO IS YOUR FATHER!” They said, ” you are. He repeated it again and they said the same thing. I did not respond both time. 3. He had the congregation to read their bible at the same time and the sound of everybody off keys sounded really weird. 4. The Bishop sent some of his members to my house. One of the member could not touch my daughter, she almost dropped her. They begin to pray and one of the sister said, “come on let it flow.” That was little weird to me. You just don’t tell God what to do. Their finger nails and toe nails was painted black. I did not feel the spirit of God when they started speaking in tongue and all of a sudden God told me to start speaking in tongue as they were speaking. 5. Members of the church pretend to like us but is phony. The members that used to be nice to us. Now they don’t even talk to us and their children always picking at my children by making fun of them. I am in the Evangelist class and different teachers always saying negative things toward me. Are they trying to make me quit? When I came back to church it’s not changed. The members keep harassing me and children. The Bishop and Pastor continue to make remark about me and my family in his sermon. He want lay hands on my children at all. He made it cleared that he did not like my son in so many ways. He would greet another child and my son would be right there and he would pass him up. He criticizes everything that I give him and his wife. He pointed his finger at me and told me “You could been killed but God has you covered.” Why would he point his finger at me like that? I don’t socialize with nobody at church due to the treatment. I worship every Sunday, Faithful tithes, I helped the church when they are in need. I don’t talk about nobody in church. Recently, a member called me at the last moment to invite me to the church gathering, And, this was not the first time that they did that to me. I am trying so hard to do what God want me to do and I want to finish what I started. One more thing, The Bishop and Pastor only talk to people who is high class, drive a fancy car, have a house, has a fat bank account, name brand clothes and looks handsome or beautiful and married. If you are not married and don’t have those things I mention above. They consider you nothing. I don’t feel the spirit of God when I near them. I get these uncomfortable feelings. Am I putting to much into this or should I leave this church because, I don’t feel glad anymore. I dread going to church on Sundays now but I wants to finished what I started. Can you please shine some light on this picture. My children are being affected also. How long must I take this abused from some of the members and Bishop and Pastor. I know I am going to hear it this Sunday because, my daughter was crying loud while he was being recorded on a sermon Tuesday night that we was at. Thank you so much

By: Alxsteele

Alxsteele — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:04:10 +0000

First, I would recommend reading (and grasping the concepts of) “What is Your Church’s personality?” Many of the comments above seem to reflect a tension with ministry values and philosphies of ministry more than with theological issues.

However, I would iterate one comment in a different way, by saying, “We need to ask whether we are running away from something bad, or running toward something better.” Too often it’s the former–and folks go from one poor situation to another. I believe we might leave churches less when considering that those to which we would run are little better (and maybe worse off)–putting us in a position to be an essential means of God’s gift of sanctifying and transforming grace in the context of a particular congregation (Eph 4).

Joel

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:39:49 +0000

I have heard so many different lines. I am being selfish by wanting other church members to help me up and pick me up when I am down. I am a church hopper if I leave a church because it is dead as a door nail and no one wants to help out unless it means something to them. ie: I’ll go to the bridal shower for the pastor’s daughter in law, but I’m not attending one a week later for another church member. Before a church can even so much as think about helping their community they need to learn how to help their brothers and sisters. Yes I know I was fairly new to the church and you were weary of me taking advantage of you, but don’t use the same excuse two years later. I think it’s time us christians sing this song to the church leaders as well as the dead in the church.

Excuses, excuses, you’ll hear them every day.
And the Devil he’ll supply them, if the from Jesus you stay away.When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses,So to keep them folks away from God, he offers them excuses.

By: Doylene Brents

Doylene Brents — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:02:59 +0000

I think New Testament giving is what the Spirit leads you to give and not a tithe. Most of the time it will be more than the tithe. We should all pray and let the Lord lead us in what to give. Doylene

By: Jeff

Jeff — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:53:43 +0000

@Chris: Sorry for not seeing your comment before now, but the idea of serving to grow is fantastic. It’s especially relevant for those who may be pew-sitters and after doing so for too long begin to complain that the church is “no longer meeting their needs.” However, many (like Almost Home) are pouring themselves out and in moments of crisis, they feel that their church has dropped the ball and neglected their very real need of being ministered to.

@Almost Home: I am deeply sorry to hear of your crisis experiences and regret that you have felt overlooked and unloved. While I don’t know your church, I would ask if you’ve made your needs known to them? Are they aware of your hurt and suffering? If so, and if they have not reached out, I would gently and kindly, and with sensitivity, talk to your pastor about how this has made you feel. Allow him to respond to you before you check out in frustration. Be ready to forgive. Churches are, after all, people. And the best of churches sometimes make huge mistakes in ministry omission.

@Willie: If sinful lifestyles and selfish disruptions are occurring and the pastor does not feel it’s his role for loving confrontation, then indeed, there is a significant problem. I would encourage a time of prayerful intercession before you make the decision to leave.